On The Past
Standing here in 2011, I look back. I see where I've come from. It's a long road. As I revisit the destinations of that journey I find plenty of mistakes, a lot of regrets and lots of "I wish I would haves". I am struck by who I was, what I've done, and some of the poor choices I've made.
As with any visit to the past I see a lot of things I wish I would have done differently, things I wish I could change. It would be easy to see my past as simply a long dark road best left behind...but I see something else in those failures; progress!
I am not now who I was...and I am pleased.
On the Present
I stand in the present. I look down at where I am and I am pleased. I am no longer the person I was.
This is good ground. My past, that road journeyed, for all it's mistakes, failures, and missteps has brought me here; to today, and it's a good place.
I love God, more now than ever. No longer just as the thing to say because I'm Christian and youre supposed to, but because I actually do. God has shown me so much of Himself and I've fallen in love with Him. I do things differently; no longer simply to avoid Hell or win Heaven, but because I actually think they're the right thing to do. No longer just because that's what Christians do or because the pastor said so, but because I know it brings God pleasure, and that brings me pleasure.
I love my wife, more now than ever. Not simply the body that woman inhabits, what she does, or the benefit of her, but her.
I love my job, my church, my role. I love where God has brought my life. It's been a crazy nail biting, blindfolded journey and the unveling has lived up to everything God said it would be.
I look at my today and I am pleased; but I see something else, a path ahead, more steps to be taken. I look at my today and I am pleased...but I am not today who I can be...and that person beckons me on.
On The Future
I look ahead and I see a road yet to be traveled; and I'm excited.
I'm not perfect, and if I'm honest, as much as I've grown, my mistakes, shortcomings, and complacencies, though possibly fewer in frequency, are more glaringly apparent now than they ever have been...but it does not dissuade me.
I look back on who I was, I look now at who I am, and I look at the God who has forged me; and I am not discouraged. He isn't done and so neither am I.
I see a "me" ahead; a better me, a me I've always wanted to be, and a me living a life even more fulfilling than the one I am living now.
I'm excited about the ways God is shaping me, healing me, leading me. I see the road ahead and I'm excited about it.
I am not now who I will be...but I'm getting there.